A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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