That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
