First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
