My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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