He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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