How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
