It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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