Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
