grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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