Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
