I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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