my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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