RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
