...so i touched it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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