eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
