I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
