Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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