Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
