I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
