ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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