LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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