well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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