Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
