Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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