I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
