My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
