can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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