Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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