You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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