When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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