Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
