if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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