My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
