On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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