When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
