u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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