oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I AM VODKA MAN
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
3 2 1 whiskey
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
