I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
