I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
