the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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