is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
