i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
