Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
