Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
