so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
