So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
