so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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