WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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