new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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