Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
birth control should be required to get into college
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
