So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
