I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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