no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
